today we parked in the parking garage at 9:25am and rode up the elevator area of trauma. at various times we’ve tried to run and hold our breath to be spared that rear brain memorial to the past terrors. the smell near the elevators at kaiser interstate holds in its Continue Reading
fear
the tedium of amorphous anxiety
Vicissitudes of the last few weeks (for those who wish to experience vicariously, in shorthand, the tedium of amorphous anxiety): For several weeks Val has had, off and on, some inexplicable waves of odd fatigue. Sinus infection? Allergies? Hormonal shifts as her body continues to rebound from last year’s chemo? Continue Reading
Bad Arc
As Deborah has said, this is a roller coaster. This is a manic-depressive way of going at life. My friend Cosmic Patti said it is shooting the rapids. There is calm and then not so calm. I want it to be a single story. A nice arc. Like shooting a Continue Reading
fear, blood, life
the last two weeks have been hard. a return of the thin taut fear. color bleeding out of the days as the blood seeped out of val’s nose thinly and we watched it, counted the blots, counted the kleenex, counted the minutes. i think it was two weeks ago that Continue Reading
Curiosity saves lives: an invitation
It has been a very peculiar week. A week that changes things. There are moments when i am feeling that old work ethic tug to sit down and really sort through it all. Try to understand the implications of each event in succession. But the truth is, i just don’t Continue Reading
fear, hope and roasted beet soup
One thing about this is the fear. For me so far it’s been a fear of many flavors, but it never ever quite goes away. It sucks at the shoreline of my heart, rearranging my guts, cresting up menacingly and sinking back to build the surge all over again. My Continue Reading