hallelujah

I am here in this house this morning. I’ve walked up and down the stairs several times in search of bowls big enough for the stuffing, in search of the turkey baster, in search of the thing- i forgot what- by the time i got down there.

I have proto eyebrows making their way bravely out into the world. I have hair.  well, somewhat like hair. It is brown and fuzzy but from a distance i still look bald. I have red blood cells.  I have on my best jeans. i am warm. The dog has sampled a fresh cranberry, some celery bits and an uncooked stuffing glob.

The house smells like we all care about each other. We cook these things. We take time to offer them to one another. I am so overwhelmed with this idea. standing together alone on this beautiful planet, we offer what we can. i have never really understood need before. to need help. to receive help. to be lifted and carried. to be loved in this whole new way. to feel like i belong to the people i love.

Six months ago to this day i stood in my parents yard, and for the first time, used the word tumor as it applies to my body. it felt like being kidnapped and watching the shore of my old life recede and disappear. and i still don’t understand what this new place is really.

I am listening to the radio and there are the stories of people in the congo. people in mumbai. and i realize how privileged i am to be cared for this lavishly. people have given me money so that i could get therapy. so i could see alternative medicine people. i have been given supplements, free acupuncture, massages, food and more food, and so much time. i have been listened to and held. driven all over town. sent stories and cards. i have been visited every time i have gone to the hospital. i can never repay them. but there you go. what can you do?

people have saved me.  being carried when i truly needed it changed how i see the world. i have become aware that human beings are truly beautiful creatures.

and today i think, what  a fabulous set-up. we live in this beautiful playground of a world for as long as we can, we feed each other and love each other and when one of us goes down, we do what we can.

I have never been so excited about thanksgiving as i am today. my body feels good to be in,  people are going to bring me food and eat some of my food, i get to hear stories and ask prying questions, i get to be a part of things.

Gratitude like a chorus.

Thank you so much.

val