two-step

Dearest and fondest and best,

i am here! still. and i realize it has been a big vast silence for these many months and i am sorry. i went to new zealand. and after that i did some laundry.

on Monday they scanned the inside of me. i suppose somewhere the results of that thing are known. perhaps by a radiologist who is eating a tuna salad sandwich over her keyboard. punching in numbers.

squinting. 1.008  millimeter by 3.062 milimeter. her name is gloria. she sometimes wonders about the outer skin of the person who inspired these works of art. she tells little stories about us. mostly to assure herself that she is nothing like us and therefore will never have to be the inspiration for some CT technician’s art.

but here is me on the other side of that thing. not knowing. eating an orange and getting my desk all sticky.  and the grand schemes work for the time being. none of us know the hour. savor every moment.  blah blah.

i feel good. i have some small aches and mysterious pains but i think they can all be accounted for amongst the benign living issues.

and so there is reason to believe that on Friday when Deborah and I go in to see Dr. Trubowitz, and she opens the door and says “how are you?” there will be something easy in her face. and if not…then we do whatever is next. we do the next thing. even if it is awful news, i don’t have to fall off the surface of the planet right away. see? i get to go home. acclimate. settle into a new reality. find my way around. live. try to live more. love people. same as before.

thank you lovely people for keeping an eye out for us. we are still here.