My dears,
I want you to know that Val’s passing was beautiful. We had a few hours to whisper our secrets and our love to her once more as she slipped deeper and deeper into herself. Some of the great many who love her gathered quietly ’round, sitting on the floor of our tranquil little room, leaning on each other. We sang some gospel — she loved Amazing Grace and I’ll Fly Away — and some other songs. Her father read her the verse “The Lord is my shepherd,” and we sang that, too, with harmony. I was holding her hand, and thanking her again for being the best Valerie anyone could imagine, when she drew and released her last breath.
With the help of a hospice nurse, Brooke and I were able to care for her body. We tucked a few special items and words in her pockets, and laid her mother’s sweater beside her. Brooke and I slept for a few hours in the hospice guest room and in the morning we sat with Val’s body a little longer. When we called the funeral home and the kind man came, all the hospice staff came out and stood quietly as we escorted her sweet body out.
We will begin Val’s cremation tomorrow morning at ten. A few of us will be there with her and will walk with her to the fire.
Much love to all you marvelous people who’ve loved us and cheered us from all your near and far-flung corners of the world. I believe that Val would say: Be kind to each other. Love each other. You are the beautiful, imperfect family.
Deborah
ohhh… how beautiful, what a gift to share. i wish i was and could be there. so much love. so much love…
Oh Deborah. Thank you for finding time amidst everything to keep on writing here. Being so far away and having such love for Val, reading your words here has helped me understand a little bit of what I know has been beyond enormous. Much love to you, to Brooke, to all who cared for her through this, and to all of Val’s family.
Hugs to all,
Beth
Deb, not for the first time in these months, you’ve left me in tears. If there is a peaceful death, a loving end, then Val had that. May the memory of all you shared be for a blessing to you.
Thanks for sharing those last moments.
Dear Deb,
I stare at my screen, at this empty text box, thinking of how hard it is to put anything adequate here, and yet how much less adequate it is to write nothing at all. Throughout this experience you and Val have shared this piece of your lives with everyone reading in such eloquent ways.
I’m so glad her passing was beautiful, and that you had the support of the hospice team added to the tremendous Val-team you already had.
I will continue to hold you in my heart as you enter this next phase of your journey.
Sending much love,
rachel
Thank you for your sharing, yes you leave me in tears too. I remember Val and her smile from Alaska, and I am sorry that this is to be my contact but so glad to read of your struggles. It is lovely to know of such love and strength, Val, you and all the other caregivers and friends have.
Blessed be.
Mariah
“Where there is sorrow, there is sacred ground.”
And such immense beauty. And tenderness. And love.
Thank you, Deborah, for allowing us in to this intensely intimate sacred ground.
A huge bow to the incredible community, perfectly imperfect, who walked with Val to this edge, month after month becoming year after year, and then… let her go. It is a tribute to Val that she inspired such fierce generosity and courage to the bone.
A few hours after her passing as I was meditating on Val, a shiny crow flew over head and circled. Amazing grace – yes.
Thank you, thank you, thank you. I love you.
Thank you so much, everyone, for joining us in grieving and celebrating Val. I miss her so much and it is hard to fathom that that missing will have to continue.
I also wanted to tell everybody that we were able to have Tuley (our sweet little dog) at the hospice house, and she was with us and Val when she died.
Love,
D
Deb,
I too want to say thank you for continuing to post. Since I couldn’t be there w/ aunt Val I am so grateful to you for keeping everyone updated & giving us such valuable insight into the last few days she had on this earth. The posts (from her & you) give me a piece of her to hold on to. I miss her so much.