My dears, Many people have asked me to elaborate upon the meaning of Val’s tattoo. I tried a few times and got stuck, because actually, Val didn’t put it in words that often. But here are some of the meanings I understood her tattoo to have: The spiral was to Continue Reading
2013
rosehips
Four months ago today we lost our Val. I miss her all day, every day. The ache winds like a fugue-melody through the background of everything. The days are filled with things that don’t quite become real because I don’t get to show them to her. I wanted to show Continue Reading
time zones
noticing the strange ways of time this summer of grieving folding and expanding I might have seen the Northern Lights, once. I was on a walk late at night by myself in southern Indiana, when I looked up — I was always watching the sky — and saw my bright Continue Reading
how to coil a cord
An old friend called and left me a voicemail the other day. He said he’d been coiling up an extension cord and it called Val to mind, because of course he did it the way Val taught him: the way that lets the cord unwind again later without tangling. Val Continue Reading
beach day
Valerie used to introduce me as “the excellent woman with whom I affiliate.” Our affiliation began with a trip to the beach, fifteen years ago today. It happens that I am going to the coast today, for the first time in a couple years. I might eat some seafood; haul out Continue Reading
the picture of the thing
My friends, I think I have a different face now. My eyes feel sad all the time. My face at rest is a sad face. When no one is looking I can feel my mouth sloping down at the corners like the limp slats of old window blinds. I can’t figure Continue Reading
mango spots
Hello there friends. I miss talking to you and I had a strange day so here is a quick note. Going back to work today was hard, although everyone was mellow and kind. (My peeps from the last few years really saw me through some of these hard times, but Continue Reading
if time ran all at once
My friends, it has been almost six weeks. It feels like a handful of days. I have been having a hard time writing, but I wanted just to let you know that the memorial weekend in Eureka was complex and healing, and drenched in the beauty Val so wanted this Continue Reading
ranch light
Aw, Val Garrison. Dang it. The sunset at the ranch sure was beautiful tonight. There were baby elk at the edge of the alder wood. The bareback hills of the back pasture were flooded with golden light and crowded with invisible stories. I could see you on every hill.
Dairy Queen
I was sitting in my backyard this afternoon with sore feet and a bittersweet heart, thinking about that one hot day that Val and I put the dog in the car and drove over to Dairy Queen. Or maybe we were coming back from somewhere, because otherwise why would we Continue Reading